Charity does strange things to a man. Sometimes he will just go out and try to collect as much money as he can, or sometimes he preforms a strip routiene in front of 300 people.
Every year at my school, we have a house music contest. A small contest where talented people show how good they are. These people are really, really good! Your looking at the people who are more than likley to become rockstars. People playing guitar or flute. What was missing was the comerdy records.
The school needs more toilets. The old ones are smelly, full of shit (for real) and have been the home to shady deals. So, they need money. The best way is though charity.
I have always wanted to sing. I do it in the shower. Ok, so I’m no James Blunt but I try. So what song should I sing? I know, “I’m too sexy for my shirt”. I’m up for a laugh. Thats a go. But people wuld not sponser me if thats all I do? So what will get people want to see?
Strip. A Stripteise. That right, taking off my clothes infront of people. 300 people. Skip to the end. I raise £30. For every £5 raised, I take off an item of clothing. Oh bugger!
The day comes, im ready. Its all going though my head. What if this happens. I have been pested by people who all want to know if I will be going down to my skimpys? I’m not on the list, since I am a “charity act”. All the others have gone, its my turn.
“We have one act left, this one is not on your sheets!” The crowd goes wild. “Its the one you have been waiting for, Jack Dunford!” I walk on, everyone is cheering. No boos! I walk in with my school uniform on. A hat that points to the side. My ears are starting to go deaf. Thats the price to pay for coming out of your shell.
They love it. Everyone got really excited when an item of clothing came off. I start to unbutton my shirt, they scream! As I take off my shirt, undernieth I have my sports shirt. From where the audince is though, it looks like a vest. Then the trousers. Off they come. The biggest scream of the lot! My sports shorts are underthem. The song continues.
I reach into my shorts, I pull, and out comes a pair of underpants. I hoped the audience thought they where my real ones, but alas no. They screamed though!
The song finished and I got off stage, “We want Jack”. So they got what they wanted. I put on a small green Mac, no not that Mac, and get pushed back on stage. I look like I am naked undernief. 
I got a few quotes that day, my faviotes where “Black Horse” “Ledgend” “Jack Dunford, Fucking Ledgend” Im on holiday now, so I wonder if they will rember the ong when I get back?
